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  • Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
    - Author Unknown

  • Women are the right age for just a few years; men, for most of their lives.
    - Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook

  • There's nothing wrong with most men's egos that the kowtowing of a headwaiter can't cure.
    - Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook

  • Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.
    - James Shubert

  • Men are only as loyal as their options.
    - Bill Maher

  • The hardest task in a girl's life is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious.
    - Helen Rowland

  • I'm a babe magnet... just the wrong end.
    - Author Unknown

  • Every woman must admit, and every man with as much sense as a woman, that it's very hard to make a home for any man if he's always in it.
    - Winifred Kirkland

  • I wonder why men get serious at all. They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will. If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself.
    - Yoko Ono

  • God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met.
    - Farrah Fawcett

  • Many a man owes his success to his first wife, and his second wife to his success.
    - Jim Backus

  • The old theory was "Marry an older man, because they're more mature." But the new theory is: "Men don't mature. Marry a younger one."
    - Rita Rudner

  • Jesus was a typical man - they always say they'll come back but you never see them again.
    - Author Unknown

  • Three wise men - are you serious?
    - Author Unknown

  • There's a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me.
    - John Erskine

  • Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is.
    - Author Unknown

  • Imagine what will happen to this nation if large numbers of American women start using the Wonderbra. It will be catastrophic. The male half of the population will be nothing but mindless drooling Zombies of Lust. Granted, this is also true now, but it will be even worse.
    - Dave Barry

  • If they can put one man on the moon why can't they put them all there?
    - Chocolate Waters

  • The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
    - Natalie Wood

  • If men had more up top we'd need less up front.
    - Jaci Stephen

  • Men lose more conquests by their own awkwardness than by any virtue in the woman.
    - Ninon de Lenclos

  • Don't accept rides from strange men - and remember that all men are as strange as hell.
    - Robin Morgan

  • Men can read maps better than women. 'Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.
    - Roseanne Barr

  • A man is two people, himself and his cock. A man always takes his friend to the party. Of the two, the friend is the nicer, being more able to show his feelings.
    - Beryl Bainbridge

  • Men are beasts and even beasts don't behave as they do.
    - Brigitte Bardot

  • The more I see of men, the more I like dogs.
    - Madame de StaŽl

  • 'Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an angel.
    - William Makepeace Thackeray

  • Guys are like roses. You've got to watch out for the pricks.
    - Author Unknown

  • What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
    - Erma Bombeck

  • A hard man is good to find.
    - Mae West

  • Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
    - Jean Kerr

  • A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.
    - Oscar Wilde

  • Women are one of the Almighty's enigmas to prove to men that He knows more than they do.
    - Ellen Glasgow

  • The obvious and fair solution to the housework problem is to let men do the housework for, say, the next six thousand years, to even things up. The trouble is that men, over the years, have developed an inflated notion of the importance of everything they do, so that before long they would turn housework into just as much of a charade as business is now. They would hire secretaries and buy computers and fly off to housework conferences in Bermuda, but they'd never clean anything.
    - Dave Barry

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